Some of the men in my village were villains. True villains through and through. They spread fear in the village of my heart. Everybody knew something had to be done to stop them, but nobody did anything. Who will voluntarily stand up against villains, I asked myself one day as they had roamed around in their usual manner and spread fear where they came. They not only stole things. They acted violently against the people of the house, and so on. One may wonder why a whole village didn’t join together and stop those villains. Even if the villains were many, the population of the village was a pretty larger bunch. But the situation was that nobody stood up against them, and nobody organized the village people to stand as one man.
Something had to be done, and I knew if something should be done, somebody had to do it or at least initiate it. Time had shown that there was none of that kind in my village. None except for one, and I realized that this one had to be me. Me. A crippled young man with only one arm and two crippled legs. I realized I was the only one. At the same time I knew nobody would listen to me when or if I started to form a village army. An army leader with only one arm and two crippled legs. I laughed harshly when the thought of one-arm-bandito came into my head, and at that very moment I knew what to do, how to stop the villains. If you can’t beat them, then join them. Consequently I started sending signals out into the space of the villains that I was ready to join the group, and that I, as the person I was, would be a good contribution to the group. There were many things a crippled could get done as nobody else could, was my signal. Of course the villains wouldn’t believe that, I knew, but I hoped to stir their curiosity.
As I thought. They couldn’t but check what this was. As I expected they sent a villain signal back - a signal which I snapped and put into practice. I answered that I would perform an action they wouldn’t be able to do, and I would do it just to convince them that I was the right person to include in the group. Since I knew they would ask why I – if I was such a big shot – needed to join a group – why didn’t I work sole – I decided to come be ahead of this, so in my return-signal I added that I was a group-worker, not a sole-worker.
Suddenly I found myself in a situation where I had to perform an action the villains weren’t able to do. I carefully planned my actions before I put them into work. First I bought a big fishing net, a one you could imagine was for catching whales, only that whales of course are not caught by nets. The net had cord, so it could contract, net in, as they saying goes. Actually that saying rose this action of mine. I also bought helium bottled in large containers - and balloons. Of course I could have made all this myself, but I wanted to get this my plan to be active as soon as possible. Therefore I bought these devices, but I added some intricates to them.
I knew perfectly well the whereabouts of the villains. They did nothing to hide that. Why should they? They had nothing to fear as nobody dared to interfere with them.
Crippled in legs doesn’t automatically mean crippled in brain. I was a very abled computer-fantast, and I had no problem of understanding how both computers and others mechanics functioned and could be used. By use of all this I set my plan into action one foggy night. I knew the villains were deep asleep. Why shouldn’t they? They had nothing to fear from anybody…
… only the device that was in the air above their living place. They were unaware of the net slowly sinking down and surrounding the house and then slowly contracting until the whole living-place was netted with a device strong enough to stop a whale and in addition connected to electric power and to the computer.
I sat on a heap just above their house with my special-made computer on my lap, one I myself had built and programmed. My only arm was ready to press the right button in due time.
Due time came late in the morning. Then the sensors connected to the net registered movements inside the house, stronger movements than the ones that come when sleeping. I sat, my arm on a button waiting for the very optimal moment to take the next step. The moment came when the first villain appeared in the doorway. Fancy that those villains had an outer-door that opened inwards. Can you imagine, so brutal and so stupid. I presume one has to be a villain to have an outer-door that does not open outwards and is easy to flee, for instance if there is fire loose in the house. But as mentioned before they lived in the belief that they had nothing to fear, even not their living-place on fire!
The villain in the doorway had the look of Torbjørn Egners (the Norwegian author of the children’s book about two trolls building their cavities in the teeth of a poor boy, only because he liked sweets and buns. I have always felt sorry both for the poor boy and for the two trolls, Karius and Baktus. They had to leave their homely cavities when the dentist started to fill them. Those two had a bewildered look, and their hair strutted on their heads).
That was just how the villain looked, bewildered, and the hair strutted on his head. Suddenly I felt sorry for him, as I was sorry for Karius and Baktus from my childhood. The arm on the computer hesitated on the button. The next villain appeared in the doorway, also he bewildered with a Baktus-look. I sat as frozen there on my heap and had just decided to stop the program and let those poor villains free as I in my childhood had hoped that Karius and Baktus should be free from the everlasting pressure from dentists and other besserweissers. I closed my eyes and saw those two poor homeless teeth-trolls Karius and Baktus sail on the immense ocean in search of a new place to settle. Was it this I wanted for those poor villains, send them out in search of a new place to settle?
But my ears caught things from the villains that were not compatible with the Karius and Baktus memories of mine.
Then I suddenly remembered what smells could do for people, and hastedly I programmed my computer while villain after villain appeared in the doorway. As they swore and struggled and promised to make hell of a revenge of the worst possible way, a way a tender soul as I could not possibly bring myself to recite. The resemblance to my childhood’s Karius and Baktus totally disappeared, and the feared villains of my village became visible.
Well, I hastedly worked on my computer while the sensors in the net sent to my ears every word from the villains.
Then the programs were ready. I sent the first dose of compressed smells into the house through an installation in the net. That was juniper. As everyone knows juniper disinfect mould an candida. They had no defence to it. It penetrated their bodies and started to clean away unwanted mould and candida.
I watched closely through my special ocular to see if I observed any changes. Might be, might be. I doubled the dose of compressed juniper into their bodies. Then came the next dose. Curcumin was sent into the bodies and the brains of the villains. As they had to breathe they had to take it in. The curcumin crept round in them and changed things everywhere where the juniper had disinfected.
Then I sent my third weapon, a dose of secret ingredients I had made myself and which I for no cost will reveal since I might need it later as a secret weapon only I know how to make. The weapon worked well and to its intention. The villains now were in my power to change into whatever I liked. I had a difficult moment on the heap while wondering to and from what kind of personality I would like to give the creatures I saw down there.
Then I knew. I hastedly worked on my computer, and a megadose of Danish salami entered the brains of the villains. The Danish way of behaving settled in them. The Red-sausage-way so to say. They began smiling like the Danes, relaxed, satisfied and self-satisfied.
I wondered if I should send a signal telling that I had done as I promised: An action they couldn’t do. I had captured them and turned them into sheep.
As for my earlier request to join the group – well, I am not interested. A heap of sheep is not my cup of tea. In addition I decided on my heap that I probably am a sole worker.
The village of mine had lived for years under the suppression of the villains – could it now handle the total change I had brought? Ought there to be a kind of de-escalation of the crimes?
The smells of the week: Juniper, curcumin, Danish salami (also called red sausages and has formed a nickname for the Danes. Actually they started to call Norwegians Mountain-monkeys as they, I presume, were jealous of our magnificent mountains. Our replay was to nickname them Red-sausages after the fatty-smelling red salami they produce. Only God might know what they put in it). The last smell is a mixture nobody reveals to me what it is, hopening I will take a qualified guess.